(or, the Sugar Shock memos, part $something.2)

21:55 < solios> omfg I feel like someone is BARFING IN MY HEAD.
21:55 < solios> MAKE IT STOP

Something positively Unholy threw up in my skull Sunday night. Everything I eat or drink- BLAND PLAIN FOOD LIKE SAMMICHES AND WATER THANK YOU- seems to push that wad of PUKE around but not OUT. I fucking SWEAR I could feel shit moving around in my head when I drained my water bottle monday morning.

Back/base of the head, behind the ears, behind the olfactory system and above the eyes. Feels like your mouth does after you've just puked your fucking guts out all over the floor.

I'm not interested in "treatment." At all. Whatever the fuck this shit is- cure it or fucking kill me, don't string me out. I'm sick of it. These are, however, just words- and if I can take one or two pills a day and feel like a fucking HUMAN, I'm game. I'll be eternally pissed at the Medical Economy, but I'm game.

It's gotta be pills. They have a higher resale value and I can't do a diet. Period. See below.

Regardless, to get the wiring between my head and my ass in proper order, I'll have to make an appointment with the doctor. Given my COMPLETE FAILURE to do simple shit like pay bills or rent this month (memory, which is ROTTED TO SHIT by this PUKE THING IN MY HEAD), I see this being problematic.

Oh, and I've halved my caffeine intake. Cut it to a third, even! And drinking even that (something like six ounces of starbucks espresso?) causes acid fuckdeath in the brain. I can't take vitamins without something similar and worse happening, and there's a hell of a lot of food I can't eat without my ass exploding, or cramps, or both, or worse. I can't drink juice, it gives me really nasty heartburn. Ditto tomatos. Chocolate and candy are worse than amphetamines- ZOOM UP, ringing hard in the head, crash out and down and blah, with headbees to boot. The carbonation in soda stays in my throat, the chemicals make me feel like complete shit and the whole mess drizzles out my ass like snot through an influenzic nose. MSG (RAMEN!) gives me a headache and makes me so thick and stupid I may as well have smoked a bale of pot.

In short, I have Food Allergies.

This inability to process practically anything has slowly crept in over the course of the past five or six years, to the point where I've overdosed on Red Bull and can no longer drink the stuff without getting sick- amongst everything else on the list. Including dark liquor- stuff like Rum and Whiskey. Rum much more so. I can do Whiskey in small amounts, which may be where I fucked up this weekend.

So yeah. If it tastes good, looks good, smells good.... it will make me FUCKING SICK. A LOT.

I can barely handle water and sammiches. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when my piece of shit stomach decides to stop digesting meat and cheese.

I like crackers. I can eat crackers. Unless I've made the mistake of thinking juice won't disintigrate my esophagus. In which case, even water hurts.

All this within the past six years. Given the fact that similar process-of-ellimination things have been happening with my personality, there's the ghost of a possiblity that one is amplifying the other, which makes for a neat little feedback loop. Especially given that the after effects of any of the substances I gain any degree of enjoyment from are so incredibly horrid. And long lasting. I love rum, but I haven't had rum since 2001- I know if I had some, I'd feel worse than I do now for at least a week.

The things I enjoy fuck me over so hard that I'm left walking funny for days or weeks afterwards.

Such is life.